The Million Man March convinced one 22-year-old black woman of the need to seek a better understanding of black men rather than to exploit them or write them off. For her the film "Waiting to Exhale" illuminated how far black women are from forging any true bonds of sisterhood. PNS commentator Ladie Terry is a reporter for YO! (Youth Outlook), a newspaper by and about young people published by Pacific News Service.

I was ready to feel the Million Women March! I was singing "I'm Every Woman," rewritten by Whitney Houston.

Actually, I was just going to see "Waiting to Exhale." I was hoping the movie would give me some new insight into how we as black women can get a better understanding of black men so we can work with them more effectively -- something many of us have been wondering about ever since the Million Man March.

But I left the theater very disappointed. First of all, I was upset to see well-to-do women subjecting themselves to such crazy relationships and acting so crazy themselves. Whitney Houston plotted to steal other women's boyfriends; Angela Bassett smoked, drank and couldn't control her temper; Loretta Devine was whiny and desperate; and Lela Rochon couldn't even keep her clothes on through most of the movie.

An older colleague of mine, whom I respect deeply, enjoyed the movie. She said she saw sisterhood in it, and wished that when she had problems she could come together with a group of sisters and talk about it the way they did in "Waiting to Exhale." But I didn't see any sisterhood in Whitney scheming to steal one of the "sisters"' men. And if my friend was referring to the part where the characters were drinking and smoking away, talking about men's private parts and comparing them to dogs, then we as sisters need to look again at the true meaning of sisterhood.

My friend suggested that maybe I didn't understand the movie because I'm young (22) and I've never experienced being left for a white woman or dating a married man like some of the characters in the movie. I have had my share of pain and hurt in relationships, though, and until God blesses me with a good man I will remain single, but that doesn't mean we women should hold a grudge forever against all men. There are good, committed men out there, but we women always complain that they are too nice.

Instead of just complaining about men's behavior behind their backs, we need to begin confronting them directly. If you find out a man is lying to you about something, check him in a correct manner. If a man dresses in a fashion you don't like, tell him you don't date men with their underwear showing and their hair uncombed. Tell him what you like in a man. If he disrespects you by calling you an improper name, let him know you do not approve of what he said. You have to demand better for yourself.

I may be young and inexperienced, but I also don't appreciate the message that if you're independent enough you don't really need a man. In slavery days, the slave master separated the black man from the black woman, using the woman for breeding purposes only. The black man was not permitted to marry the black woman, only to use her. When the slave master would rape the black woman the black man could do nothing to help her, and when the woman saw the man could not protect her she lost respect for him. All of this helps explain why today there are relatively few marriages in the black community, and a lot of sleeping around.

I would like to know why the producers of "Waiting to Exhale" felt the need to make this movie right now. Is it to pull our anger and pain back out of us again, right at a time when black men and women are trying to rebuild their relationship after the Million Man March? Are we supposed to remain upset with the black man forever?

Believe me, I'm well aware of what's going on in the black community, but I don't need Hollywood screening it all over the country to make money off our pain. Yes, my black brothers have made some mistakes, but if we as black women don't back them, who in this hell will? I'm going to keep the vow I made after the Million Man March -- to back my black brothers 100 percent -- even if I have to use an inhaler before I can exhale.