On her own at the age of 14, afraid of being alone, a young woman describes what prompted her to join the Unification Church -- and why she finally wound up leaving. Skye Nelson, 17, lives on the streets of San Francisco and writes for YO!, (Youth Outlook), a newspaper by and about young people published by Pacific News Service.

SAN FRANCISCO -- People say you're stupid if you join a cult. On my own at 14, I wasn't stupid -- I was just looking for answers.

More than anything else, I was looking for some place to really fit in. I felt different from my brothers and my sister. I don't know how I ended up believing in God, but I think that all children have a need to believe the world is bigger than themselves, and that spirits, or something, can help them when they're in trouble. It's too scary for little kids to think they're all alone in the world, and believing in God makes people think they're not alone.

When I was growing up in Orange County, I used to talk all the time to God -- when I was walking to the bus stop or lying on my bed, I'd be having conversations with God. But when I prayed, my mother would make fun of me. She'd say, "There is no God." So I was different from my family.

But none of the kids at school who believed in God wanted to hang out with me, because I was a really bad kid. I was always late for school and I was always stealing and arguing with my teachers.

When I was 14, I was in a summer school program at a community college, and the CARP people had a table -- CARP is the college group of the Unification Church -- and from the time I met them they acted like they really wanted to be my friends. They weren't really heavy into religion either. I knew they were like a different kind of religion, but it took me a long time to figure it out.

I started hanging out with them all the time. We'd go to the beach or the movies, and every Friday night I went over to their house -- they all lived in a big house, the guys on one floor, the women on the other floor.

They didn't seem really weird at first, except there were pictures of the Reverend Sun Yong Moon all over. Mostly, I felt very wanted and accepted and important, because they were all interested in me. A lot of the time it also felt like YMCA camp, because they would sing the same songs after dinner.

In the summer we went to a camp in the mountains. We'd go hiking and singing and have study groups. They made me feel I was part of the group.

I joined CARP, but I started having difficulties with them. They put so much emphasis on women having children and how women were subservient to men. As much as I loved how they made me feel, I could never agree with that -- but nobody wanted to hear about disagreement.

And then I moved into the house, and I became dependent on them. I was afraid that if I said I disagreed with anything, I would get kicked out. I had fought so much with my parents they didn't want me to come home.

CARP answered all my questions about God and what I should do with my life. But the problem was they answered the questions for me, they didn't help me answer the questions myself.

Because we were always so busy, day and night, I never had a chance to think. I got caught up in the feeling of belonging to the group. I finally left after two years, after being pressured to participate in a group wedding.

I felt lost. I realized I had no friends any more, because all my friends had been in CARP. I felt empty. I had all this time on my hands, and I didn't know what to do. I had trouble socializing with people.

Today, one year after leaving CARP, I'm still afraid of being alone. But I understand that's what living is all about.