- A PNS BONUS APRIL 1ST STORY. Announcement of what may be the long-awaited breakthrough product of the biotech industry has San Franciscans in a whirl. While whirling is not unknown in the region, this time it may be the only possible response, according to extremely knowledgeable sources who don't usually talk to anyone. PNS correspondent George Spelvin is almost always somewhere else.

SAN FRANCISCO April 1 --News of a breakthrough in biogenetic research with potentially far-reaching human and commercial consequences has stunned authoritative persons here.

"We are agog," said one highly-placed source who asked not to be identified.

Researchers at a small private university east of San Francisco claim they have not only unlocked the genetic code for the DNA that controls skin pigmentation, but have figured out how to mess with it.

At a press conference at the school, which asked not to be named, two scientists wearing respirator masks explained that a drug based on their discovery would allow parents to choose the color of a forthcoming child before it comes forth.

"Within the normal skin spectrum, of course," said one, holding up what looked like a sheaf of paint chips.

"Everything from eggshell to ebony," said the other.

Both then left the room.

A spokesperson explained that both the school and the researchers were "fundamentalist free marketeers." They accepted no government funding at any time, ignored literature reporting government funded research or equipment developed with such funding.

"It was hard," spoke the person, "no E-mail, etc., but without centralized planning and arbitrary bureaucratic regulation we were able to do pure research. Our work is based purely on our desire to enjoy the best possible reception in the market,"

Government officials and scholars said there was no precedent for such a discovery, and so they could not comment on its consequences.

"I'd have to see the data, of course," said one leading biologist, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "But it's certainly within the realm of possibility."

Political leaders, however, were quick to see the implications.

"You mean our constituents could change color at will?" asked one Congressman, off the record. "But how would we know just who is which?"

Pollsters, too, found this prospect disturbing. "There goes half the store," one said, immediately before collapsing. Hospital authorities have asked that his name be withheld for the time being.

Those who speak for business were also confused at the news, and many agreed to allow quotation of unguarded statements so long as they were not attributed.

For example one officer at First Transnational Bank wondered aloud, "how will we know where to close branches?"

A vice president at Pushpin Poetry Partners ad agency termed the discovery "a vicious and unprincipled attack on the very idea of marketing" and called for federal legislation to halt development of any commercial product.

The last union leader in the area, Crwaford Strong, business agent of the Cardboard Recyclers and Calculus PhDs Local 9971, said he or she could speak for the whole labor movement, "If only this had happened 100 years ago -- even 50 -- it would have saved us a lot of trouble."

Some scholars were openly appalled. The entire sociology department of one leading university has resigned and announced plans to start a sheep-raising collective.

Bureaucrats and litigators engaged in interpreting existing equal opportunity and affirmative action rules all refused to make any public comment. Leaders of many traditional community organizations were equally tight-lipped.

In desperation, your reporter turned to ordinary people, the kind who are not afraid to speak their minds and give their names, the people who drive your taxicabs, press your suits, clean your houses -- everyday people like you and me but more so.

Many of these citizens found the news inspiring: "Imagine, the grief we could spare our kids," said one couple of ecru and cocoa respectively. Others were almost overcome with emotion, and threw their arms around this humble reporter .

But perhaps the general reaction is best represented by the clear-eyed young person who said, "Man, don't you know what day this is?"