A recent study found young adults -- with unprecedented economic independence -- are getting married at a later age and increasingly living together as an alternative to legal marriage. These findings have drawn considerable comment, but little of that comment has come from those facing the question most immediately -- people in their teens. As these commentaries by three young writers show, the idea of marriage has a powerful hold on youth. Andrea Jones, Russel Morse and Jose Luis Vargas are on the staff of YO! (Youth Outlook), a newspaper by and for young people published by Pacific News Service.

Princess For A Day?
By Andrea N. Jones

Women in most societies are raised to think of marriage as a crucial rite of passage. Whether it is the finale to a fairy tale or the last pages of every other romance novel, the wedding ceremony is presented as a young woman's opportunity to live out a princess fantasy.

No surprise, then, that the fattest book on any newsstand is the bridal magazine -- and that many brides wear their veils like crowns and carry their bouquets like scepters.

Driving back from my cousin's wedding, I picture my own. Nothing less than a multi-media presentation -- a silver cake, my groom drinking champagne out of my shoe. I'm in a little beaded cream number (not because I'm afraid of chaste white, just that cream is more elegant) with a veil attached to a cowry shell tiara. My hair is swept up with cascading microbraids.

That mirage didn't last long. I don't even have a boyfriend. And how would I ever pay for it? Then I thought, to hell with the details, a girl can dream.

I talked with some girls about their wedding fantasies. Only a few saw themselves as princesses veiled in light, but all had given serious thought to that special day.

Monika Kelsey, 18, would like to have lots of people at her wedding, although she doesn't actually know a lot of people she would want to invite. "I want a simple wedding. None of the broom-jumping, rope-tying stuff. Just the basics," she says.

Monika denies having a princess fantasy, but admits she wants to be the center of attention at her wedding. This has nothing to do with marriage, she says. "I've always wanted to be number one."

At 16, Mercy Hernandez has never even been to a wedding, but she's longed for her wedding day since she was four. Mercy wants a small ceremony on the beach in Hawaii on Valentine's Day.

To her, a wedding symbolizes happiness. "I've seen weddings on TV and I think I want to be like that someday with my husband--just happy with somebody I love who will love me back."

Fam Linh Saechao, 18, wants a simple American ceremony before the traditionally elaborate Mien wedding. "I have this image," said Fam. "My husband is faceless, but my uncle and mom walk me down the aisle." They are outdoors in a garden surrounded by a hundred guests.

Fam's face lights up when she describes the wedding dress she will design. "A simple silk dress with white flowers in front and spaghetti straps. It will be short in front and fan out in the back into a fishtail." But no veil. "I'll wear flowers and pearls in my hair."

Maria Martinez, 15, has been planning her wedding since she was 11. "In a nice big church with a long, beautiful, expensive white wedding dress," she says. "My father would give me away. The guy I'd marry would be in a black tuxedo and a white limo would be waiting for us outside" to take the happy couple to a Cuban restaurant where the whole crowd would dine.

For Maria a wedding represents a commitment to love someone forever. She's not looking for Prince Charming, just Mister Understanding. "He wouldn't have to be cute. He'd have to love me for me, not want me to change anything. I don't want him to try to be something he's not -- as long as he tries his best, that's okay."

Gingi Cleopatri Allen, 20, has a very different take. A few years ago, she says, she woke up and realized that a wedding wasn't the key to happiness. "Society puts such an emphasis on weddings," Gingi said. "Your wedding day should not be the most important day of your life."

One big reason that Gingi is so against a wedding extravaganza is the expense. "You can get married in your heart instead of spending $10,000 on a ceremony. It's dumb to spend all your money on a wedding."

The pretty dress, the big cake and the dance band matter less than all the mornings after the wedding to Gingi -- a wedding is for one day, while a marriage is meant to be for a lifetime, she says.

Which is probably not such a bad thing to keep in mind.

All Of My Old GIrlfriends Are Some Other Guys' Wives
By Russell Morse

Nikki was the coolest girl ever. I met her at a high school dance my freshman year. That night, I thought I was the mack, floating from girl to girl, dancing and living it up. For some reason, that didn't appeal to Nikki.

Right then I made it my goal to connect with her. But a few years later -- after countless phone calls, letters, serenades, and poems -- I realized it wasn't meant to be. So I let her go.

A couple of months ago, I was at a cultural celebration at College of San Mateo and I saw her sitting on a bench, talking and laughing with friends. Paralyzed with fear, I turned away, avoiding possible humiliation.

And then she saw me. "Russel! Hey!" My attitude changed. I thought, "Well, she's obviously older now and she's probably matured. Maybe she's come to her senses and realized what she was missing out on all those years in high school. Yeah. That must be it."

"Oh, hi!" I acted surprised. She was as beautiful as ever and she was really putting the vibe out. We talked and laughed and I felt I was making more progress in five minutes than in the four years I'd courted her in vain. It was all going so well.

And then she said it -- "I'm getting married."

Nikki had a big smile on her face and such a glow that I could feel myself melting, and soon all that was left of me was a pile of clothes with a cloud of smoke floating gently to the heavens.

"As soon as Ignacio comes back from Korea -- that's where he's stationed. We've been engaged for months already. I got a ring-- see?"

The symbol of my failure perched on her left hand glittered in the San Mateo sun. I'd managed to return to human form, but I was still in shock. I had a million things to say, but was afraid I would start wailing like a toddler does when you take his toy away.

With dignity, I shook her hand, wished her luck and walked away -- with my knuckles dragging along the concrete and my heart in the pit of my stomach.

I fought the idea for days. Only a couple of years ago, she was sporting a Hello Kitty wallet. I still had big problems digesting the concept -- how could she be getting married when I wasn't done trying to court her?

It didn't stop there. Last Saturday, my friend Mika got married. Mika is 19 and pregnant with her second child. We've known each other since we were three. At Mother Goose Elementary School, we held hands while we watched Pinocchio. She was the cutest Dalmatian for Halloween -- and now she is married with children. I can't digest this teen marriage concept. Maybe it's just me -- I have a bank account and my own apartment, but at 18, I hardly know myself and I can't imagine committing the rest of my life to someone else.

As for my old girlfriends (my personal agendas aside), I wish them the best of luck. I hope they spend their lives happily with their spouses -- buy a house, get a dog, whatever. I just think they might be robbing themselves of rich experiences -- we have so much ahead of us that we don't understand. I know that when I'm 23 I'll be radically different with completely different plans and ideals.

But I might still be dreaming of Nikki.

Certainties
By Jose Luis Vargas

Growing up, some things were certain. It always thought it is certain that I will finish high school and go on to college, that I will find a stable and rewarding career, that I will create the kind of family I value but never had.

And it is certain that I will find my true love and get married -- to that special man.

Born, baptized and confirmed Catholic, I eagerly memorized the seven holy sacraments and came to understand their profound meaning. But I always wondered how the sacrament of marriage would apply to me, because, unlike other little boys, my fantasy was never a woman in a big white dress taking my hand in marriage. At a young age I knew I was attracted to men, not women, though. I never acted upon this attraction until my teen years.

Silly as it seems now, I actually believed that the sacrament of marriage would be modified to accommodate boys like me. I had no reason to believe my own religion would abandon me for being the way I am or feeling the way I do.

Marriage to me symbolizes the utmost expression of love and commitment to another person -- the level of understanding two people attain out of a passion for each other's souls. It is knowing that you are living for another. It is the grateful feeling that someone, somewhere, somehow, made a person especially for you to share your waking and sleeping, dreaming and working .

Call me a dreamer, but I am eager to find my true moon and begin a life together -- someone to celebrate anniversaries with, buy presents for and take on getaways. Someone to buy a house with me. I want us to have children and raise them and send them to college.

When I meet that person, I want my faith to recognize and consecrate our union before a community of believers.

Is that too much to ask?