Every summer, thousands of young American travel abroad. For many, the trip is more than a vacation, it's a rite of passage inspired by a deep discomfort with home and their search for identity. Katie Baggot, 17, writes for YO! Youth Outlook from the road. YO! Youth Outlook, a publication by and about Bay Area Youth, is published by Pacific News Service.

Sometimes people ask me when I'm coming back. I tell them never and nobody believes me. Sometimes they ask me if I'm sure I'm gonna go.

I have to go.

I have to go to Europe because I am afraid to stay here.

I want my life back.

At 17, I've spent most of my conscious life trying to escape the things I do to myself in my unconscious life. The times where I do more feeling than thinking. I believe in facing my demons, but sometimes I have a hard time actually doing it, and so they follow me around like a bad rumor until everything sort of blows up in my face.

Such is a time like this. Whatever it means to "face" a demon, I seem to fail even when I do try. I've become slightly agoraphobic recently, weathered by my various addictions and vices. I feel that the only way to overcome the situation is to get as far away from San Francisco as possible and start again.

Being from the Bay Area means I know a lot of people here, and a lot of people know me. Too many people know me. I feel like I can't even walk down the street without seeing somebody from my past. I refer to these people or places as ghosts. I have too many ghosts in this city. Because the people I feel closest to aren't around anymore.

Another reason for leaving the country is that I can't afford to live here anymore. I work full time and still don't make enough money to afford my own space. Because, as we all know, rent is way too expensive in San Francisco, as it is in New York City, which is probably the only other place in this country I'd be interested in inhabiting. The way I see it, if I'm gonna work my butt off to live in a major metropolitan center, I might as well go to Europe.

I am leaving because I need a change of scenery. I learn more about myself traveling than I do at any other time. Being away and in a constant state of "go" gives me the time and space I need to reflect on my life, and to process in a way I find impossible to do here. The city is so confining. It's like a vortex, I've seen so many people leave and come back. We get stuck in our everyday routines and stop growing. I am too young to stop growing, and I have a strong desire to feel alive again and get rid of the parts of me that I don't need anymore.

I am leaving because I've always dreamed of visiting the homeland (Ireland). Because some part of me has always believed I might fit in there, because I want some culture. Growing up in America has left me feeling spoiled and embarrassed by the actions of my government as well as by the ignorance of this country as a whole.

I feel like I owe it to myself to take care of myself for once. Because maybe it will make up for the trip I was supposed to take to Mexico last year on my birthday. For all the times I've attempted escape and failed.

I am sick and tired of feeling dead. I want to live in Prague and paint. I want to feel free. Because I don't want to wait around for the universe to make my decisions for me.

I am leaving because I still want to learn.

I am moving to Europe because it is far away from here, because it is a way out, and another chance. Because I can't think of any good reason not to. For the chance to fall in love in Paris, to be hungry, to be dirty, to be cold, to let go, to disappear, not to have a mailing address, to move on, for another story to tell.